8 fucks the future me doesn’t give

Explicit shit. The kids who wait for two marshmallows later succeed in life. Those who eat the one on the table in front of them fail. I failed. Repeatedly.

Fuck marshmallows

The world is made in such a way that if you don’t wait you are buried. Waiting is glorified. I hate this. Everything is sequential and bypassing the sequence is a privilege.

In this infamous study a group of kids is given a marshmallow and told that if they wait 15 minutes and don’t eat it they’ll get a second one. Or whatever, the thing is later in life the fuckers that had the nerve to not eat the sweet goodies apparently also had success in life. So, success is a measure of how tight you can hold your ass and not do what you want to do.

I personally find this outrageous. I believe this whole thing with leaving the best for last or doing the hard work first is crap. I mean, what if the darn kids died right after the experiment? Who’d be more well off, those who waited or those who enjoyed the thing on the spot? Yes, this is a very naive point of view, but why do we optimize the world only for the ones who have muted cravings? ‘Cause sure as hell the world ain’t optimized for that by default.

Everything in nature is in grab mode. We’ve built a society in save mode. In the future grab mode will be back. With unlimited energy and free food there will be no reason to save your grabs. Booya! But the future will be populated only by the offspring of these saving fuckers. Damn.

Fuck vintage

Why would shitty old crap be any good or fucking glorified like that. I mean fuck this. I want shiny, spanking, new, clean stuff. Now please. Vintage clothing, what a shitty invention for second hand stuff. Vintage furniture. Broken shit that requires a sack of money to look like it works.

Lets consume, throw away and melt all that damn waste in more plastic. Seriously, the world needs more plastic. Plastic without phthalates, formaldehyde and whatnot. Healthy good plastic melted into everything. Clothing, furniture. Food!

I think my future future salad will be 3D printed.

Fuck handmade

I want industrial everything. Handmade today is a way of saying “made by really poor people”. What a shameless world, that which sells as “handmade” stuff that is simply still produced archaically because of super bad infrastructure, lack of investment and education.

Handmade should not be promoted as a value added to a product. Is this hand made item uniquely done, once, for me and in a developed country? That is custom made, hand or not. Stop buying euphemisms for entitlement.

All manual labor is a cover up of low education. Ah, you want to do work with your hands. Fine, whatever floats your boat. But when you do 1000 shirts a day to feed your children, that is fucked up.

Fuck the pursuit of happiness

The pursuit of happiness is exactly what turns people away from their humanity. People ought optimize for Joy instead of Happiness. That fucking peak you call “happy” will change you so deep that you’ll end up sorry and afraid, for a long time after that. Pursuing happiness is the core justification that makes for all the inhuman side of the modern society: cut throat attitudes, emotional shielding or the common sociopaths at the top of the political pyramid.

Its like climbing a mountain. After the highest top on Earth, what else is there in store for you? We have a sorry ass cult of the apogee because we never thought that someday everyone will have access to it. We expected the darn doomsday and after we fucked a few generations waiting, then we started carpe the fucking diem. But the cult, the cult was still there. So ingrained that we’ve centered our existence around it.

Nothing happens after you get there. There is no enlightenment, you will not be better. Your flesh will still hurt, you will still get old and be at risk of death. All the happiness in the world will add nothing to the simplicity of existence.

Its fine if you want to pursuit. If you’re hungry, you hunt. When you hunt, you pursuit the poor beast. But remember, just like hunger it will never end.

Fuck do it yourself

Why would i do it myself? Shouldn’t there be a professional person that can do it for me?

DIY is a philosophy of keeping busy as a way to avoid the void. Face the void! Observe the fucked up system where people who could do it don’t do it, and you only have yourself to do it, even though you hate it and don’t want to do it. Stop DIYing your weekends and time after work.

If you like to do it yourself, think about why exactly are you doing it yourself. Are you a little control freak? Are you having such special needs that no one can understand them? Why are you doing this work that keeps you busy from actually existing, in a world with endless possibilities?

Hammering nails into wood? Screwing screws? That is what you do with your free time? OH man.

Fuck the Luddites

The robots are welcome to take my job. I will delightfully enjoy this. The people who still don’t educate and train their children for the intellectual work of tomorrow will suck it up. They will. Poets of the poor will be poor.

Technology will not be about surveillance unless we let people make it so. Technology will not be about war unless we let people make it so. Robots will not harm people unless people make them so. There is nothing rotten at the core of technology.

In the future the only work will be inside people’s heads, but if your future self is a stupid simpleton you might be poor. Very simple.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this picture.

Fuck tradition

Oh yes the big no no. Well, my friend, everything wrong in the world is more or less connected to tradition. Misogyny, sexism, racism, intolerance you name it. Tradition and religion the death pulsar of humans. We’re getting over them. They’re pretty embarrassing, indeed.

“Oh but we do it for a thousand years” has no kind of substance as justification whatsoever. Just stop doing it. Simple see. That was easy.

I don’t care about any definition that is based solely in describing what ancient noobs believed to be true, or based on relating a random sequence of events. Look at marriage. It took us decades to get over the man-and-woman “traditional” view.

Tradition is a fake. We define and redefine everything, everyday.

Fuck nature

No, hunting endangered species still makes you a moron. Indeed, covering mass oil spillages still makes you a criminal. Deforesting your country still makes you a really stupid creature that should not reproduce.

But, please stop it with this pantheist shit already. Nature is a bitch and it will screw us as soon as possible. You want to stall progress because something is not “natural”? Well, I say nature is not progressive enough.

If I can nuke or quantum modify the sun so it won’t become a supernova I will do it. If I have to drill down to the molten core of this planet to never have an earthquake again I will do it. And most likely someone will do it. We always had to fight our way for survival. If this universe will end in darkness then we better find those fucking other dimensions and get the hell out of here. Nature has nothing in store that guarantees our survival.

Ah you’ve reached the end. While this not my style in general i could not figure a more appropriate way to part with things which for many years plagued me other than a big, loud — fuck this. Thank you for your patience,

Yours, me.